I Got Chiropractored

I did.

Remember that sciatica I mentioned back during the Morning Struggle?  Well, it hasn’t stopped.  Matter of fact, it’s only gotten stronger and hits at really weird times.

I was sorting through kid clothes during the last attack. BTW who DOES love that?  Why did we decide as a society that kids needed so many options when it comes to clothes? And what’s wrong with high waters when you’re 21 months old? Or shirts that show a little midriff?

Nothing.

Nothing at all. I think. I’m so tired of rotating out clothes and trying to keep up with what’s cute or not.  I have a full time job already.  Two if you count being a mama.  I don’t need this in my life.  Uniforms For ALL!!! I say.

Anyway, I got stuck in the floor going through this pile-o-fun.12728641_1722635677971346_745443519_n(1)Pat had to be yelled for, and I only managed to pile everything back up for him to take back to almost the exact spots it all came from.

So, long story longer, I made an appointment with a chiropractor to see what could be done.  I’ve never been before, but plenty of friends go, and Pat swears by him.  Like, he would totally be there every week if they told him he could be cured of a sore throat with some type of neck adjustment.  And a Ginger Ale, of course.

I went in with a lot of hesitation, and the fact that none of the exam rooms had any doors on them did not help.  Of course I had to get up to pee before we started, and that was weird, too.  The man across the hall from me was a regular judging from his conversation, and all I kept hearing were grunts and moans in between them discussing the price of steel and how  much rain he’d gotten last week.

At one point, the doctor told him to cough and, “Put your arm this way, Don,” then it was just lots of something that sounded like cranking down a ratchet strap.  Ol’ Don said, “Go ahead and crank her down some more Doc!”

Uh…

Ok.  This shouldn’t be that bad, I thought.  I know how to say no.

Once it was my turn, the doctor had me stand in a few different positions, dug around in some muscles, and then had me lift my legs a few different times.  He almost immediately said I had piriformis syndrome, showed me a stretch that I know will change my life, and said “Alright, lets get on the table and I’ll get you all lined up.”

He asked me to lay this way and that with my arms here and there, and I totally didn’t trust the process. I knew my center of gravity was so far from normal that I could fall off that table with the slightest shoulder roll! He even said “You gonna have to let go a little bit for this to work,” and I couldn’t.  He went ahead with his technique, and I made a lot of grunting noises myself. He laughed and said, “Bet chore back hadn’t popped like that in a real long time?!?!”  And all I could say was, “It’s never popped like that.  Ever.”

I’m still feeling a little traumatized.  The stretch technique was worth the visit, but I think I’ll hold off on anymore adjustments.  He did mention something about me having to have a high pain tolerance to not complain about some of what he was doing, and I like to remind anyone I can any chance I get that I’ve delivered babies with zero medication.  He said “WHY?”  and I didn’t think saying “Because I’m a badass” was appropriate, so I just said because I could.

Do any of you regularly go to the chiropractor? Does it get any better?

Also, will you please join me in a movement to stop having to change out children’s clothes all the dang time?  If we’re all doing it, then surely it’ll catch on.  If not, my pack is just going to start setting trends all through the town that you all will be jealous of.  I can feel it.

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4 thoughts on “I Got Chiropractored

  1. Anthony swears by them, I think it’s a certain one that he thinks is amazing!! However, I cannot go to one, I have a plate in my back from a car accident, but I think if I could, I would feel so much better, my back feels like it could be stretched forever!!!

    Like

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